Life Partner Agreements

Auburn

Premier Member
#21
To frame this up right, I had just broken up with my girlfriend after she had given me the "motorcycles are dangerous line" after we had been dating and riding 2 up together for about 6 months. My response to her was the bikes were here long before you and will be long after you. Didn't see her again after that.

I met my life partner of almost 24 years about 6 months after that. She was widowed about 2 years before we met with a 4 year old daughter. We had a daughter two years later. She is currently senior year in college and the other daughter works as a project engineer for me in the company I work for. Although we don't have a piece of paper, we consider ourselves married and very committed to each other. Family is very important to us. We put in place necessary legal mechanisms to allow each of us to make decisions for the other if either was incapacitated such as medical directives and powers of attorney. Our kids are both well aware of our situation.

Our first date was to the motorcycle show, where one of my road race bikes was on display (1994 Honda RS250 GP bike) and I was very active in the local road race club as the race director and on the board of directors. I wanted her to know that this was very important to me and not negotiable. Fortunately for me, she was all for it.

We ride 2 up about 95% of the time. We our SS1000 2 up, and did one of the How the West Was Won rallies a few years back. We plan to see if we can get drawn for the 2023 IBR. She has her own dirt bike and we do a lot of that, though not so much now. She doesn't ride on the street by herself, primarily because of me. Our paces would be so different, that I could not relax and enjoy the ride worrying about her. Both of our daughters grew up riding dirt bikes, the youngest started when she was 3 with a Suzuki PW50, which she kick started herself. Both still have Honda CRF 150s.

She loves to ride as much as I do. We take at least one long trip every year on the bike - 15 days or more) and we tow a bushtec trailer, camping the whole way. We have been to Alaska 3 times, Canada many more than that. All over the western half of the US. I give her the camera and she takes pictures as we ride along.

At this point, if she told me we should pass up a ride, I would agree knowing that we would reschedule and do it later. She has never asked me not to ride. I think the fact that she was a widow when we met changed her perspective about life and understanding tomorrow is not guaranteed.

We have taken numerous weekend getaways and week long trips each year. It is our time to ourselves. We can spend hours talking while riding or hours just listening to the music. It is 'our" time together which we have made a point to have as much as we can over the years. It is cherished time for both of us. We are looking ahead to next year and what rides we want to plan. Looking at a 3 week east coast trip with a couple of SS1000 or BBG planned to eat the miles up so we can spend as much time in the New England states before we have to head back.
 
#22
I re joined the motorcycle community at 59 after 26 years off two wheels. My present wife married me after I had been a single parent of 3 young girls for 5 years. Obviously she was already sick in the head. LOL

In 2008 at age 59, I realized I was getting old and bored. We had been married only 13 years with no arguments or disagreements of any substance. I was about to test that record. I unilaterally decided to buy a motorcycle to ride cross country as I had planned to but did not 27 years earlier.

I did everything except sign the papers for a new motorcycle. I suddenly realized it is hard to hide a motorcycle from The Wife. I had to tell her. I was sweating this one out. I broke the news to her in a very serious, worried way.

She was relieved that our oldest daughter WAS NOT moving back in with us for the third time. I was also. The Wife's requests were: #1 take a motorcycle safety course (I was already enrolled), #2 wear ATGATT, I already was looking for the good stuff, #3 Don't ask her to ride.

Man, that was too easy. I did not care for #3 but I could live with it. She knew me better than I thought. She knew I had been very active in my younger years and I needed an outlet. She supports me with my LD addiction. She even encouraged me to buy a second motorcycle while keeping the one from 2008.

Yes, I have a good wife. She still works and I am retired. I'm living an American man's dream, all of my ladies are working, even my daughters. LOL

She is getting concerned that I haven't ridden an IBA ride in over a year but I have been riding just not IBA rides. This is due to neck surgery last fall, a stent in an artery and a broken wrist this summer, and this CV19 crap. I had planned to finish up the Mile Eater Gold last year, maybe even a second ME Silver.

I will be 72 in January so my riding years are running out. I need to get back in the LD saddle. I am about ready to commit to a Winter Solstice Ride. She is supportive of it.

If The Wife told me to stop riding, I don't believe it would go over very well. If she and I discussed it and she persuaded me with a good reason, I would stop yesterday.

I do use the SPOT. She loves it.

I might say a happy life is when both are happy. That only occurs with mutual respect, communication, and, not to sound mushy, real love.
 

Jack D

Premier Member
#23
I trust my wife's intuition. If she really doesn't feel comfortable with my plans for the day I would probably change them. So far she has not done so. I too keep Spotwalla running so she can see where I am which helps ease any concerns she has.
 

ibafran

Active Member
#24
Historically, 50yrs ago and still ticking, when just prior to the official proposal I mumbled something along the lines of being a biker and hoped to never hear the question, "Its me or the bike?" because I didn't want to know that answer. So far, it is what it is.

Got lots of stories. Some of 'em are funny to some people. Makes me wonder why this thread is not crammed with humor? If there was humor here, I would be one of the readers enjoying the blackest humor.

In order to have a worthwhile and meaningful agreement, a mutually acceptable understanding of terms ought to be helpful, eh? Good luck with that.

Unlike Forrest Gump, I don't pretend to know what love is. Even after perusing the poems, songs, and literature widely and for a long time, my grip on the idea is tenuous at best. I even question how valid my own experience is from time to time. Watching people in committed relationships as much as possible is not all that enlightening to my meager and perhaps unknowingly biased perceptions. On top of that, people change and that change is accommodated how? Conversely some people don't change and others are disappointed in that too, sigh.

Maybe some day this website might have a 'Love and Motorcycling' thread? Dear Abby, or some other guru, might be quoted? Until then, here's my proffered data point.

It came to pass for a little while that I was enraptured and enthralled with another person. I was so deeply concerned about the other that I wondered if it would be wise to give up the bike and never do another risky thing in my life regardless of my level of proficiency for doing risky stuff just to be in the other's company for as long as possible? Lots of other related Qs arose but that was the main thought. Such thoughts will help one to order one's life priorities and weight each one. For a little while as I entertained these thoughts, everyday riding became really scary.

I have no idea what the stats are for riders getting through the above moment? My best WAG is that many riders do get through it somehow and live happily ever after, more or less.
fran -almost delirious with the joy

Here's my 'take' on Vows. Lots of people take vows: religious, elected officials, regular ol' married persons to spec a few. Vows used to be very meaningful. For myself, if I see somebody taking a vow; as my part/duty in society, it is understood that I support that person somehow in making that vow function. Unless I speak up about that vow not being a good idea. One of the aspects of what it means to be an adult is that one can take a vow and see it through, thick and thin. A good vow is always tough to live up to. Enjoy the toasting of the vows. Especially if you feel like you are now toast.
 

Redwing56

Premier Member
#25
This week I am celebrating 21 years with my girlfriend. Yes, she is still my girlfriend... no, we are not married. :)

She didn't know me when I rode a bike previously, so for our first 7 years together, I was a normal person that drove a truck. I started riding again in 2007 and have been doing so since with and an agreement, that if she ever asked me to not swing a leg over the seat, that I wouldn't with no questions asked. In these past 14 years, due to her gut feeling, something spiritual or ???? she has only asked me once not to ride. Until tonight.

We were discussing my upcoming rides and mentioned that I had two rides planned before the end of the year. The Winter Solstice and a SantaSore 1000. Her mood somewhat changed but we turned back towards the show that we were watching on TV. During a subsequent commercial or two she asked me not to ride during the Winter Solstice. I told her OK and confirmed that I will not ride that day and we then continued our evening (as decided years ago, with no questions asked).

I don't mind at all that she asked me not to ride and I have no problem with it, but it did get me wondering if any others have some kind of 'agreement' with their life partners.

Lets hear ye and tell your tale. :)
Hey Tiki
married for 21 years and my wife fully supports it. We have two children (15, 20) and have been riding since before we were married. se says some play golf, I ride a Goldwing! :)
 
#26
Redwimg.
That is great to hear. I like hearing these kinds of stories.
I met a couple on the Dalton. They dated on a motorcycle. Married on a motorcycle. And even went on their honeymoon on a motorcycle. I am not sure how many years they have been married but it has been their only marriage with two grown children. I know they are near or over 60 and still riding. They were selected for the 2021 Iron Butt Rally. They are an awesome couple.
 
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#27
I've been with my life partner (not married) for almost 10 years now. I've been riding on the street for 30 years (far longer than I've known her). I've ridden longer than three marriages (don't ask), two kids and several jobs. It is part of who I am and deep rooted in my soul. I will be a rider for as long as I am physically and mentally able.

With all that said, however, I trust her gut feel. In the last 10 years, there have been two times where she has said that something didn't feel right. Neither were times when she was being unreasonable or demanding. It was just her gut feel and I listened.

It is good to have a life partner who is willing to share their feelings and tell you when something doesn't feel right. Regardless of any agreement, it helps to listen to others when we don't see it.