SEX AFTER DEATH
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife at all.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact:
"Marion...Marion..."
"Is that you, Bob?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.
Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again.
Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"
"Oh, Bob are you in Heaven?"
"No...I'm a rabbit in Arizona!
A TERRIBLE PUN
A guy walks into a pet shop in Amsterdam and says to the owner he'd like to buy a cat.
"Of course sir, we have lots of cats, what breed are you after? We have pedigree cats and mongrels".
"Pedigree cats? I didn't know there were any pedigree cats in Holland"
"Oh yes, we have for instance the Groningen Ginger, the Friesian Short Hair, the Delft Blue (!) and many more.
These are quite rare now though, because of cross-breeding and so on, and so pure breeds of this type are very much in demand and quite expensive".
"Hmmm", said the man, "Well I can't afford a real pure breed but I am keen on maintaining our national heritage as much as I can.
Tell me", gesturing back towards the door...
.
.
.
"How Dutch is that moggie in the window?
(I’ll get my coat!)
Conner pass
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife at all.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact:
"Marion...Marion..."
"Is that you, Bob?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.
Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again.
Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"
"Oh, Bob are you in Heaven?"
"No...I'm a rabbit in Arizona!
A TERRIBLE PUN
A guy walks into a pet shop in Amsterdam and says to the owner he'd like to buy a cat.
"Of course sir, we have lots of cats, what breed are you after? We have pedigree cats and mongrels".
"Pedigree cats? I didn't know there were any pedigree cats in Holland"
"Oh yes, we have for instance the Groningen Ginger, the Friesian Short Hair, the Delft Blue (!) and many more.
These are quite rare now though, because of cross-breeding and so on, and so pure breeds of this type are very much in demand and quite expensive".
"Hmmm", said the man, "Well I can't afford a real pure breed but I am keen on maintaining our national heritage as much as I can.
Tell me", gesturing back towards the door...
.
.
.
"How Dutch is that moggie in the window?
(I’ll get my coat!)
Conner pass
Two men walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.'
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.
The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.
Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.
At the Connor Pass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place.'
He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, 'Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!'
THERE'S MORE....
Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass.
He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other.
'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says.
He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free.
He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.
Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot.
Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.
Paddy shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!'
IT IS NOT OVER YET...
Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears.
He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken.
Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.
Once more Paddy shakes his head.
'Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting.... And now Sean and his fook'n henglidingthe rest of today is cancelled, due to lack of interest!!
Week 30 so far so good.
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