ROSIE!!

Ahamay

The Joker
IBA Member
#1
A father passing by his teenage daughter’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy.

Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed “Dad”. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

“Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you, but I’m leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I’ve been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you’ll like him too – even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it’s not only the passion Dad, I’m pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together.

Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn’t so old these days is it? ), and has no money, really these things shouldn’t stand in the way of our relationship, don’t you agree? Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It’s true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he’ll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that’s now one of my dreams too. Randy taught me that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone and he’ll be growing it for us and we’ll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!

Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I’m sure we’ll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter,
Rosie.”

At the bottom of the page were the letters ” PTO”.

Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:

PS:
Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at the neighbors house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that’s in my desk center drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home.

I love you!
Your loving daughter,
Rosie​
 

Winglider

Ex-Wiinglider
IBA Member
#2
Trucker is at some traffic light when a blonde in a Merc pulls alongside and starts pointing at the rear of his truck. He ignores her and when the lights change moves away. This happens several times so he pulls over and the woman says" You are shedding some of your load"

Trucker " This is a gritter..............
 

Winglider

Ex-Wiinglider
IBA Member
#3
An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached
the desk. The receptionist said, 'Hello, sir. Can you please tell me
why you're here to see the doctor today?'

'There's something wrong with my dick,' he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a
crowded waiting room and say things like that.'

'Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.

The receptionist replied, 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in
this room full of people. You should have said there is something
wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further
with the doctor in private.'

The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of
strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone.' The man walked out,
waited several minutes and then re-entered .

The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes?'

'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.

The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken
her advice. 'And what is wrong with your ear, sir?'

'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter.

Mess with seniors and you're gonna lose
 

Winglider

Ex-Wiinglider
IBA Member
#4
An armed robber held up a bank recently. After threatening the staff and making the customers lie face down on the floor,a very brave security guard grabbed the robber and ripped off his balaclava.

The robber said " That was stupid! Now you will recognise me again" and blew the man away.

A bank teller who looked over the top of the counter met with the same fate.

The robber then shouted " any body else see my face?"

A small voice came up from the floor...








" I think my wife may have caught a glimpse"


 

Winglider

Ex-Wiinglider
IBA Member
#5
An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang.


It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her,

"Treacle, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the A13.

Please be careful!"


"It's not just one car!" said the Essex girl,

"There's hundreds of them!"
 

Winglider

Ex-Wiinglider
IBA Member
#6
Two Aussies, Ferret & Knackers, were adrift in a life boat.

While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Ferret stumbled across an old lamp.

He rubbed it vigorously, sure enough out popped a genie.

This genie, however was a little different.

He stated he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought Ferret blurted out, "Turn the entire ocean into beer. Make that Victoria Bitter!"

The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the sea turned into that hard-earned thirst quencher.

The genie vanished.

Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.

Knackers looked disgustedly at Ferret whose wish it was had been granted

After a long, tension-filled moment Knackers said,

"Nice going, you Dickhead! Now we're going to have to piss in the boat."