Self abuse

Ahamay

IBA Member
#1
Gun shot!!
A women was pregnant with triplets.​
One day she goes into this bank as it was being held up. She gets shot 3 times in her stomach, but luckily she lives.​
She goes to the doctor who tells her her children will be all right, one day the bullets will come out.​
So 13 years later, one triplet, a girl, runs out of the bathroom and says "MOM, MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!" So the mother tells her the story.​
The next day the second daughter comes out and says the same thing, "MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHOOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!"​
On the third day the son comes out and says "MOM, MOM!" she goes "Let me guess, you were going to the bathroom and a bullet came out?" he replies "No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog!"​

Listen to the parrot
A burglar breaks into a house one night and after checking out what there is goes for the DVD player. Just as he is about to lift it off its shelf a voice in the darkness says, "Jesus is watching you". Somewhat startled, and just a bit scared, the burglar freezes and listens intently. After a minute or so he reaches for the DVD player again. "Jesus is watching you" says the voice a second time. In shock the burglar makes not a sound for a minute, and then shines his torch round the room. In the corner the torches beam lights upon a parrot in a cage. The burglar looks at the parrot for a couple of seconds and then says "I bet you said that" to the caged bird. "I did," replies the parrot, "I was only trying to warn you." The burglar scoffs at this "Warn me" he says, "and who are you to warn me?". "I'm Moses" replies the parrot. "Moses! What kind of people call their parrot Moses?" says the burglar. The parrot gives a squawk sounding remarkably like a chuckle and says: "The kind of people who call their Doberman 'Jesus'"...​
Happy new year you lot:D:D
Week 41 so far so good
 
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