Life Partner Agreements

Dr. Tiki

Premier Member
#1
This week I am celebrating 21 years with my girlfriend. Yes, she is still my girlfriend... no, we are not married. :)

She didn't know me when I rode a bike previously, so for our first 7 years together, I was a normal person that drove a truck. I started riding again in 2007 and have been doing so since with and an agreement, that if she ever asked me to not swing a leg over the seat, that I wouldn't with no questions asked. In these past 14 years, due to her gut feeling, something spiritual or ???? she has only asked me once not to ride. Until tonight.

We were discussing my upcoming rides and mentioned that I had two rides planned before the end of the year. The Winter Solstice and a SantaSore 1000. Her mood somewhat changed but we turned back towards the show that we were watching on TV. During a subsequent commercial or two she asked me not to ride during the Winter Solstice. I told her OK and confirmed that I will not ride that day and we then continued our evening (as decided years ago, with no questions asked).

I don't mind at all that she asked me not to ride and I have no problem with it, but it did get me wondering if any others have some kind of 'agreement' with their life partners.

Lets hear ye and tell your tale. :)
 
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BigLew55

Premier Member
IBR Finisher
#4
Happy wife, happy life.

You know what rhymes with husband?
NOTHING!...

:D

Yes, I saw that you're knot married, but I didn't have a girlfriend joke.
 

Kylearane

Premier Member
#5
I think you'll find that all of us arrange our entire lives to ensure that our woman is happy. Any other course of action is just plain folly. :cool:
You'll have to change that to "most of us" since I do not arrange my entire life to ensure my wife is happy (and she is happy; 15 years married and getting stronger every day.)

Also, do you know that if you remove the word "wife" from "happy wife, happy life" you get "happy happy life?" (That's a joke too).
 

Mike721

Premier Member
#6
My wife rides and has 3 IBA certificates of her own. She is just as serious a rider as I am, in fact I took a long break from riding, she's been riding her whole life. If she told me not to ride I'd assume there was a good reason and most likely take her advice, though I'd probably ask why just out of curiosity.
 

TheRoss

Premier Member
IBR Finisher
#7
My wife has ridden pillion on a couple of IBA rides, including a Ride Around Texas. She took the basic rider course, but decided she didn't want to learn to ride herself. We are connected to so many LD riding friends on our joint FB account, and there have been more than a few get offs this year! She has recently decided not to ride with me for a while. Likely until the youngest graduates high school in 3-1/2 years. I'm guessing learning about accidents has made her mom senses kick in. I fully respect my wife's early decision not to ride her own bike, and I respect that she is taking a break now. I had hoped we might be a two-up team in the IBR, but doing so, even with agreement from my wife, would probably not be the best thing for our relationship. I'm okay with this... she needs to do what is right for her.

And on the other side of things, my wife has ridden with me enough to know how much riding matters to me. I had motorcycles when we got married. I haven't owned a car in years. I am a daily rider and I'm not ready to hang up my long distance habit. To answer your question, we do not have a specified agreement. For me to even consider the question of being asked to stop riding, I would need to understand where the question was coming from. Fear, financial concerns, etc... I don't believe I would give up riding for anyone, including my wife. I also don't believe my wife would ever ask me to. I am as safe and responsible as possible... ATGATT (with the exception of my short commute to work), no drinking and riding, MedJet, about a million dollars in life insurance, and I listen to my own little voice. She has watched me cancel a ride last minute more than once because something just didn't feel right to me. So she trusts that I will do my best to take care of myself, while also following what makes me happy.

Long story short... we don't have a spelled out agreement, but we respect and trust each other and it works for us.

Bottom line to your complex question... if you're happy and what you and your girlfriend have arranged works for y'all, that's great! Do what works!
 

SteveAikens

Premier Member
IBR Finisher
#8
My Dad started teaching me to ride his BMW sidecar rig in 1956. I have only been without a bike - or immediate access to one since then - other than when I was in SEA. I'm currently down to two bikes. Riding is a giant part of my life. No one has the right to dictate to me that I can or can not ride as I choose.

At 74 years old, that hasn't changed once. We don't/shouldn't be with another person that doesn't accept us for who we are when we hook-up/marry/whatever. Even my doctors are told up front, as long as I am able to ride - I will - and if that doesn't suit them - I can always find a BETTER doctor.
 

jeffrey gebler

Premier Member
IBR Finisher
#9
My wife has always been supportive of my riding though at times somewhat hesitant about my choice of distance and routes.
I have told her if she ever needs me to stop the LD riding I will.
To date she has never asked and even encouraged me to participate in the 2019 IBR. So glad she did and so happy for her support over the years and through multiple encounters with our Australian wildlife.
 
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TheRoss

Premier Member
IBR Finisher
#11
Using a location tracking device and occasional "ok" texts have helped reduce spousal anxiety greatly
Yep. My wife always has my SpotWalla link, and on a timed ride or rally I hit the SPOT OK button anytime I'm going to be stopped for more than an hour. I do think a locator helps the anxiety at home... if the little dot is still moving then I must not be dead in a ditch somewhere.
 

Pappy35

Active Member
#12
We are partners. If she wanted me to stop riding, and had a valid reason, I would. She would never "tell" me not to ride. For long term happiness, compromise and respect are part of the deal. In my experience, those who don't have both, are the ones that bitch about their spouses. That's a horrible way to live.
 

CB650F

Premier Member
#13
A life partner, of any kind, should be someone who likes you for who you are, not for who they can turn you into. If they have the desire to change you, they aren't right for you. That's a huge YUGE! red flag in any relationship. The old "happy wife, happy life" saying is sad in so many ways. Like Pappy said, the guys who say that the most are also the guys who bitch about their wives the most. That's clearly not a path to happiness. If it isn't okay when you switch the roles, it isn't okay. Women don't talk about trying to keep their significant other happy in order for them to have a happy life, and men shouldn't either. Have some self-respect, at least as much as the woman you are with. That's what will make you happy in the long run.

That being said, there is some give and take in every relationship. You are in a long term relationship with her, so you've clearly seen something in her that you like. I'm sure the two of you have established a high level of trust in each other. If you didn't trust each other after 21 years, you wouldn't still be together. She probably has a valid reason as to why she doesn't want you riding that day. You should ask her. It could be something as simple as her not enjoying the winter months so she doesn't want to be alone all day on the shortest, most depressing day of the year. If my long term partner felt sad in the winter months and just wanted me to hang around, I'd happily do it. Clearly, you would too.
 

EricV

Premier Member
IBR Finisher
#15
I have no agreement with my partner, whom is also my wife of 10 years. We respect and trust each other, and listen to each other's concerns, but at the end of the day, we are each free to make what ever choices we choose to make. I am one of a small number of riders whose spouse also has a 3 digit number, (from her own IBR), so she needs no explanation of many things relating to riding or going on rides. She understands that more often than not, it's the ride, not the destination.

It's good that you listen to your partner. Everyone should. If it was really important to you to do the Winter Equinox ride, you'd ask for more input from her before letting it go, or not. We all have our own intuition to listen to. Listen to yours and respect hers.
 

JAVGuzzi

Premier Member
#16
Time for a few therapy sessions. If that doesn't work, then time to find a new partner, IMHO. ;) Good thing you never got married, it will save on attorney fees.
 

SteveAikens

Premier Member
IBR Finisher
#17
Oh yeah - you say that now Eric, because you supported your/my sweetie on her ride in 2011. Wait - WHAT - Cletha rides - you ride - <sigh> never mind - sometimes it just to easy to answer questions like this.

I'm not sure how you improve on a relationship when you both have the same interests, same goals, and have complete trust in each others abilities and decisions that affect the family.

Knowing you guys as I do - You clowns are the epitome of the partnership of respect and trust.

It's understood that you each have goals when it comes to riding.

I have ultimate respect for you guys, that Eric, you accept that Cletha is a better rider than you - and has enough CLASS to hop on a beemer to ride well [aka, yer yama]. <sigh> Okay, I admit it - there's no competition to the better rider, there is no such thing. When we can support each other in our riding obsessions - IMO - that biggest family life issues are all moot.

BTW, Cletha's reports on - especially with the scooters - have been awesome to read.

Quick kiss on the cheek to her - kick in the pants to you

Love you guys - stay safe....
 

Dr. Tiki

Premier Member
#18
My girl has my SpotWalla link but she doesn't follow me, she says it would make her more nervous. I also carry an EPIRB incase of a life threatening emergency.

As far as her riding with me, she has a bad knee and back and is physically unable to do the distance. An hour is about all her body can do. I have tried to get her into a Spyder or even a Slingshot (my preference so I can drive it too) but she has no long term interest when it comes down to it.
 

EricV

Premier Member
IBR Finisher
#20
@Dr. Tiki - I would suggest a Miata, but I lived in St George for a decade and am very familiar with Vegas and surrounding desert. A convertible is not really all that fun for much of the year there. Accept that it's not her thing, but do continue to look for things that interest her, or make her think Hmmmm, that could be fun.